Delhi constantly seems to be bent on reinventing everything. After claiming the dilli-cious butter chicken and the dilli-gent Anna for its own, now the Delhi metro has picked up these words from the OED for its tagline and totally Dilli-ized them. Anyone who travels by the metro (and given the multitudes I find myself engulfed in as a regular commuter myself, I guess almost everyone does) can see how apt the tagline is – “The Pinch, the Itch and the Squeeze”. It actually manages to embody the whole Delhi Metro experience in a nutshell. I’ll show you how.
First, for the Pinch – an n number of women would relate endless butt-pinching incidents (not all authentic of course, some merely attempting to draw attention to their “saggy bums” like a certain Ms. Kapoor). The dirty picture has gone
This isn't what it looks like
down very well with these chutki-enthusiasts and they go all Ooh la la whenever they see a female derriere, imagining that the very existence of it is an invitation for them to pinch it.
If you have seen SRK and Malaika grooving on a moving train and wondered how they managed to do Chaiyyan Chaiyyan, there’s news – you can do it too and that, on one leg. The Delhi Metro provides you with this unique experience of changing places with SRK and going a step ahead, and with no fear of falling down too, because there’s simply no space to fall down. For assured and best results, board the metro from the Rajiv Chowk or Kashmere Gate station. Now in such a situation, when you are standing on one leg, completely twisted and turned around, sweating profusely in an enclosed AC space and basically feeling like a tomato, sandwiched between the multiple layers of a maha-burger, you feel a natural urge to itch at certain places. Like the armpits, of course. But wait before you lift that finger. Your innocent itch might put you in serious trouble, because chances are that you’ll most probably end up itching someone else’s…err… armpits. And God forbid if you are a guy and scratch a gal, because no woman, irrespective of age, size and type likes to reveal unshaven underarms. So, if you want to avoid a really ugly (quite literally) situation, the Itch becomes a constant companion on your metro ride.
"Next time, I am getting a bed"
The Squeeze is of course very familiar to Delhiites. Whether it’s the public transport, the shaadi photo with the bride and groom, a McDonald or CCD outlet, we know how to adjust and squeeze in. And any concept of personal space that we might have had left, is tightly shut out of the automated metro doors, once we get in. If you are with your beau and thinking that you might get a little chance to cozy up with him and squeeze sounds mushy to you, just remember that there would be many others ready to welcome you with open arms too. Yes, there’s the exclusive women coach now, but I don’t know what’s worse – getting squeezed by the guys around, some of whom at least try to maintain a decent space, or quite openly molested by the women who refuse to respect your privacy, by virtue of being of the same sex.
P.S. I love the Delhi Metro. And I think it wouldn’t be too bad if it shares its tagline with the country in general. The Pinch in our pockets, the Itch to slap politicos (which has been successfully relieved in some cases), and the Squeeze the babus put us through is reason enough, no?
