How Bollywood Treads The Thin Line Between Kamasutra And Mangalsutra

It was probably more than ten years ago that Actor Neha Dhupia famously said in an interview “only two things sell, sex and SRK.” Bollywood seems to have taken the “sex” part way too seriously, though. Especially so, when it comes to our songs and their lyrics. Sheela jawaan hogayi, munni badnaam hogayi aur chameli toh khair chikni hai hi.

Let’s not forget the champions of our movement of over sexualism, Messrs. Honey Singh and Badshah (of the DJ wale Babu fame). Consider, for example, the hidden beauty that lies in the following words “ tujh jaisi toh patt jaati hain phir durghatna ghatt jaati hai” ( Girls like you are easy, and then the trouble starts) or “ ban mitra di whore, I mean mitra di ho” (YES, I CHECKED THE LYRICS). Badshah defined generation goals for us when he gave us the pick up line “aaja baby aaja tera gaana bajadun” (sorry people, can’t even try to translate that.)

But let’s not blame just them yet. No sir, this phenomenon is quite old actually. Think back to the late 90s, Rajshri Production, super sanskaari Movie Hum Aapke Hain Kaun? (it even has Alok Nath in it.) With two superstars, Salman Khan and Madhuri Dixit, the most remembered part of the movie is the part of the song where bhaijaan hits Madhuri’s behind with a catapult. OUCHHH! Once again, the age old question posed to Ms. Dixit in the movie Khalnayak, “Choli ke peeche kya hai, Choli ke peeche?” (What’s inside your top?) was never answered satisfactorily. Akshay Kumar wasn’t far behind when he called Raveena Tandon “tu cheez badi hai mast mast” (you’re hot goods). Walk back further and you’ve got Mandakini under the waterfall in Ram Teri Ganga Maili in nothing but a sheer white sari. Subtlety, thy name isn’t Bollywood.

So why are we so obsessed with sex?

No, let me rephrase that. Why are all our lyrics different variations of crass sexual innuendos? On one hand the kids are still sent to the kitchen to “fetch water” everytime the actors seem to be getting cosy, (God bless you if you watched Befikre with your parents). While on the other hand four year old girls cant stop gyrating to “Mary sau takka teri hai” at weddings. We’re the land of Kamasutra and no sex before Mangalsutra. Cant live with it, can’t live without it. Hence, we must disguise it. Shahid Kapoor can’t openly tell his heroine he wants do her (cuz Sanskaaar bro) so he tells her, “Ab karunga tere sath, Gandi baat” ( I’ll do the nasty with you).

“It’s all in fun, yaaa” a couple of friends tell me, “they don’t actually mean any harm. Movie needs a little Masala naa.” Well fair enough, as long as it isn’t harming anyone.. right? Well you see that’s the whole point, for it most definitely is. Children, teenagers, ten year olds, who don’t know any better are singing “yun toh premi pachattar hamare” (I have 75 lovers); boys in bijnore in inner UP think it’s actually a compliment to follow that girl after school because Shahrukh Khan did it in Darr. It is justified to catcall a woman walking on the road because Amitabh Bacchan did it in “Jumma Chumma Dede.” Our youth is failing to differentiate movies from the reality, and for a lot of women, its much more than a small problem. This is precisely what our future generations are learning and heaven knows it needs to stop.

And considering that we love the way Bollywood gives us the feels, maybe we need to control our look out for cheap thrills a bit. Maybe we need to start looking forward to songs that actually are soul stirring and not just stirring. And maybe we need to understand what the next generation is actually going to learn from this. So here’s hoping that atleast in 2017 Bollywood will try and give us more meaningful songs. Hopefully, ones that won’t raise eyebrows when our kids innocently hum them.

Bollywood, sun raha hai na tu?

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